#10

“Eating fried pickles was a life changing experience.”

#9

“After I run for president, Deena is going to be vice-president. I would get s*** done in this country. The economy would rise, everyone would be tan, and all the radios would play house music.”

#8

“I look over and I see like hair being pulled & all this s***, I’m like oh my god, how do I get in?”

#7

“I’m not pissed off that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed off that Mike and Pauly wasted two pickles.”

#6

“That’s why I don’t eat lobster or anything like that, cause they’re alive when you kill it.”

#5

“He’s like my big brother, I love him. But usually you don’t have sex with your big brother.”

#4

“I think Angelina loves my sloppy seconds. She goes to Vinny and she’s trying to go to what’s-his-name. Like, what are you doing? If you want to make out with me, just ask. I will say yes.”

#3

“I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn’t have that problem. Obviously.”

#2

“I feel like a pilgrim from the f***ing ’20s washing this s*** in the sink.”

#1

“Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don’t know how to treat women, and I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country.”